Still having pretty awful days, but in between are a majority of bearable days and good ones. On the bearable days it feels like I’m detached, in a haze or operating in slow motion. Good days, all is normal and i feel pretty much like my old self. On bad days all is blackness and tears, and usually for no reason whatsoever – not even the made up ones my mind sometimes tells me are real.
On the teary days, Alan is torn between offering comfort and wondering what the hell he has done – it seems to bring out the guilt in him regardless of the fact that he has done nothing wrong (most of the time…) For his sake and for mine I wish that our own wee Easter would come soon.
The happy pills from the doc are helping, but we’ve had to reduce the dosage as i was reacting unfavourably to the higher dose. Good news is she only wants to see me on a monthly basis now, initially it was weekly, then fortnightly.
Overall things are slowly improving – I’m making more space for personal life, and being much more strict in differentiating between work/life boundaries, and I’m taking mroe time over the things that matter outside of work – spending time with Alan, with family who live close by, and rebuilding relationships with friends long neglected. But this all takes effort and there are days i just cant be bothered…
Thanks for the prayers, and please keep praying